So, I have seen a lot of blogs lately about how to live the perfect life. How to make adorable lunches for your children every day, how to craft beautiful holiday projects, how to make your living room look like it popped right out of a Pottery Barn catalog, how to fit in a workout daily, how to cook simple organic meals for your family...etc. But can we talk real life for a moment? I mean the good, the bad, and the ugly. I suppose it's not entirely impossible for some women to live their lives that way...but for the majority of us, that life just seems like an exhausting, strange parallel universe.
Before I say anything else I will preface this with saying that I would not change a single thing about my crazy life. I love being a mommy more than I have ever loved anything and I love every single thing about my daughter...even if she makes me want to rip every single hair out of my head sometimes. I love her endlessly.
Okay. So I thought that being a stay at home mom would be a piece of cake. I used to think to myself...what were those women complaining about? You can easily clean the house and make dinner while your baby takes a 3 hour nap mid day. And why can't you run any errands with your baby in the stroller as he just peacefully eats his cheerios? And surely you can make time for your friends too...plenty of people want to babysit that little bundle of joy! Well this is my formal apology to all of you. I was so blindingly naive. Now I know the truth. That if your baby naps for 3 hours every afternoon in his own crib, he is a saint angel baby from heaven...because that definitely doesn't happen in this house. Ever. Not even once. And basically forget about running any errands peacefully. A trip to the grocery store involves a whining baby attached to me and if I get through half of my grocery list without a meltdown, then it's a successful trip. Time for friends...what's that? I hardly have time to shower! Seriously. I shower twice a week for about 10 seconds before Makena doesn't want daddy anymore and I need to rush out with only one leg shaved to calm her down. Most days I have spit up all over my dirty tank top. And when I say most days, I mean all days. One day this week I literally didn't have time to even brush my teeth. My poor husband came home to a messy house, no dinner, and a smelly wife. Speaking of dinner...hahahahahahahahahaha. WHO HAS TIME TO COOK!? I made turkey burgers last night and felt super accomplished. Most nights we're lucky to have frozen burritos. I would love to eat organic low-fat meals nightly, but that's just not even on the priority list anymore. Makena gets homemade, organic baby food though...because that is where my priority is now. Who cares if I haven't brushed my hair in a week or eaten a real meal since the last time I was at my mom's house? My baby is clean and well fed and better dressed than I am, and that's what matters!
I have had a baby literally attached to me for nearly 6 months. I mean 24/7. She doesn't ever want to be put down. I have learned to do everything with one hand...which I consider to be quite the talent. We are working on crib naps this week and that's been fun. If fun means that you want to gauge your eyeballs out with rusty spoons. Of course I know that when she finally gets the hang of napping on her own, I will miss her cuddles. It's just another sign that she is growing up already and doesn't need mommy for every little thing. Nobody told me how completely heartbreaking it is to watch your child grow. To think that one day she won't need me to rock her to sleep, or that she won't scream when I walk out of a room, or that tickling her belly won't make all of her problems go away...it actually feels like I can't breathe. As tiring and frustrating as these days can be, I never want them to end. And that is the reality of motherhood. The days are long, but the months and years are too short. I constantly think I am doing everything wrong. It's messy and stressful and perfect. Well, it's MY perfect. My house doesn't look anything like the houses on Pinterest. I rarely feel put together. I don't have time to work out or go dancing with friends. If I'm dressed before 11am, it's a good day. I spend all of our money on my baby, even though I desperately need new clothes. Makena is anything but easy-going. She's bored after 5 minutes of anything. She screams...a lot. Forget about sitting quietly through a meal or movie. She's much too busy for anything nap-related. But I love her and I love her huge personality in her tiny little body. Even if that means sacrificing any social life for a while. I would take this crazy baby over a boring one any day. I know one day she will be a very strong woman and that makes me so proud.
I know that if you don't have children, you are probably reading this thinking that I am a mess. And I understand! I would have thought the same thing. And you know what...I probably AM a mess! But I am just too happy to notice. (Or maybe I'm just too sleep deprived and delirious?) And this is MY reality. :)