Tuesday, March 5, 2013

Almost at the finish line!

Well, it's official!
Sometime in the next couple of days we will be meeting our baby girl.
I'm getting induced in 36 hours. (Reasons: Baby is big, I am not. Blood pressure has been a little bit higher recently. And my hospital is an hour and half away.)
Club Uterus is closing, baby girl!
Which is good, because I'm not sure how much more my body can take.
She is really kicking my ass in there!
Symptom update!
I am just about 39 weeks now, and since 36 weeks I have been in pretty constant pain. My arthritis in my hips is unbearable at night, making it almost impossible to sleep now. Not to mention that I get up to pee at least one time every hour. I'm not expecting to sleep a whole lot once the baby is here, but it will be nice to be a little more comfortable again. I've still been fighting that nasty acid reflux, but since she dropped about a week ago it has been a little better. I thought that my ribs would feel better once she dropped and that I'd be able to breathe better, but either this baby is long or I'm too short! So no relief in that department yet. And with all this extra weight, the arches of my feet have been pretty pissed at me lately, too! I've been elevating them and wrapping warm towels around them. And of course making hubby give foot rubs. And back rubs. Lots of back rubs...thanks, babe. The newest (and most unpleasant) symptom has been a tearing/popping feeling at the bottom of my abdomen. It literally takes my breath away and makes me cringe. Sometimes makes me scream...it hurts so bad! Doctor says that the baby is hitting nerves in my pelvis. Lovely.
All that being said...I actually feel like I have had a fairly easy pregnancy. Or maybe I'm just making the best of it. I am so very grateful for this amazing experience. All the pain is so worth it and I'm so thankful for the incredible support system I have. My husband has been THE BEST through this whole thing. I love him even more now than I did before. I couldn't have gone through this past year without him. It is so incredible to think that last March we were finding out about Finley's Triploidy diagnosis and preparing to lose her, and this March we are just days away from welcoming our baby girl into the world.
I have so many emotions, I'm not sure how to feel. Everyone keeps asking "Aren't you excited?!" And I don't know how to answer. The obvious answer is yes, of course I'm excited to meet my little girl. But I'm really overwhelmed. I'm scared of labor. I'm scared of the life change. I'm scared something will be wrong. I'm scared of SIDS. I'm scared of everything. I'm not letting the fears take over, they are just in the back of my mind. And I think all of these fears are pretty normal. But I guess the real answer is that I won't be "excited" until I'm holding a healthy baby girl in my arms. This has been such a long journey and it all seems surreal at this point. I understand what is happening, but it doesn't seem real. I have a tendancy to not let myself get excited because when I get too excited, I get anxious. Me and anxiety aren't friends, so I guess this is my way of avoiding it. I'm staying calm and taking things one day at a time. I'm not a fan of stress, so I'm trying to just let things happen and be in the moment. Both of my pregnancies have really taught me how to stay calm and relax, so that is exactly what I'm doing in these last couple of days!
This has been a very personal and private experience for me that I've held very close to my heart...and that is even more true these last few days. To my friends calling and texting, I will get back to you eventually! I hope everyone understands.
I can't wait to update with my (hopefully very positive) birth story. Thank you everyone for following along in my journey. We are almost at the finish line!
And to my baby girl...
Mommy and Daddy can't wait to see your beautiful face. We have dreamed about you for so long. I know you will have Daddy wrapped around your little finger the second he sees you, and I know that you will steal my heart. Your big, furry sisters are waiting for you, too! I can't wait for you to be friends. I'm so excited to watch you grow and can't wait to help you accomplish all of your dreams. Actually, I can't wait to see what your dreams are! My hopes for you are that you have a big heart, that you're compassionate, strong, and humble. I hope that you are confident and believe in yourself. I hope that you make good choices and that you learn from your mistakes. I hope that you never accept less than you deserve. Most of all I hope that you are HAPPY.
And when life gets hard, because it will sometimes, I will always be here to support and love you.
You're gonna change the world, little one!
And even if you don't change the WHOLE world, you will change OUR world.
We are all waiting for you baby. You are already more loved than you will ever know.
See you SOON!

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